BIG BROTHER WEEK 5

Confused sex signals seem to zipping around the pants in the Big Brother house at the moment - well other than between Kris and Dogface of course. Other than being mildly surprised that he has once again silently mounted her in the background of some argument I'm finding these two the least interesting 'couple' of BB10.

First of course are Rodrigo and Charlie. The problem here is that Rodrigo really doesn't have a sense of humour but is desperate to get some attention from Charlie. This unfortunate combination usually leads to Rodrigo trying to engage Charlie in some of his 'humour' examples of which include pulling him on the ear or flicking him with wires. Charlie seems unable to keep things on this hilarious light hearted footing and ends up wrestling him to the ground at which point Rodrigo becomes incomprehensible with indignation and sounds like a shrill Brazilian lady boy who's just been told Charlie has cancelled the carnival. Rodrigo fancies the pants off Charlie - anyone can see that. He has from the beginning when Charlie gave him a little kiss and his entire face lit up, to the bitter remonstrations he indulges in now because Charlie quite clearly doesn't fancy him back.

Then there are Marcus and Noirin. Noirin's charms are prized very highly in the house, she seems to have the ability to make people think they have a chance with her without really doing much to suggest it. I know many will disagree but Dogface did a bump and grind with Sree and she's sat on Marcus's lap and neither of them ever thought she might be flirting with them. I think Noirin is another humourless housemate with little to recommend her other than her effect on other housemate's hormones. I'm not defending Marcus either - the man's a cretin. The depths of self-delusion he must indulge in to be under the impression that she could possibly ever be interested in him are unfathomable in their vastness.

But really who's got my goat is Kris, cruel, shallow, smug Kris. I agree with Grace Dent on BBLB - the look on his face should he be evicted on Friday will be magic. To watch that self-satisfaction ooze down and off him...it'll be like when that knobber Sezer went all over again. Oh happy day...everyone likes a bit of justice.